I have been pretty much in quarantine for two weeks. Since then, we have hustled to get our kids home (thanks to extrordinary efforts on my kids and husband’s part). The minute the NBA cancelled I was running to lock all the doors and pull up the drawbridge. The next day with the closing of the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the shuttering of Broadway, I knew we needed to move fast to begin the hunkering. My son was on the bus the next day. So, now we are all here. Everyone is working remotely from me (as always) to my museum professional hubby, to my daughter studying theater design at Yale to my son, photographer…though his freelance work essentially dried up as did his time selling tickets on Broadway. We are all here…in the silence with our headsets on trying to stay quiet and thoughtful. The news and the world rage around us…but here we are with the cookpots filled with some bean thing and tubs of things for folks to grab and eat. However, I cannot quiet down.
Susan, my therapist (now teletherapist) cited the need to try to bring balance between the Rational minda and the emotional mind. Here is a bit on that:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), presents three basic states of mind: reasonable mind, emotion mind, and wise mind. When operating from reasonable mind, we view the world rationally and pay attention to observable facts and phenomenon. You may notice that you are in reasonable mind if you feel somewhat detached from the situation and find yourself noticing the facts and planning future behavior based solely on observable knowledge.
When you are in emotion mind, you may experience an intense subjective state wherein logical thinking becomes difficult or cloudy. You may notice the facts, but find yourself distorting them or amplifying them based on your current emotional state. In emotion mind, it is difficult to remain objective and you may engage in behaviors that are solely driven by your subjective perceptions and internal emotional state.
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So to put that on a spectrum now, I am very much in the planning and reacting mode—ordering food at the store a week out. I am reaching out to my farmers and friends and offering to help. Cooking and advanced thinking for the home team. But, worrying about all that I cannot anticipate. Worrying about the world. Worrying about the families and people stuck in NYC. Worried about my son’s roommates. Worrying about the place we find ourselves when the Governor NYS cannot get help. Worried that we are on a breakaway horse with no idea where we will end up (if we do not end up dead) . Worried about the pain and suffering that every person will be subjected to because of tremendous greed, narcissism and fear has brought us to the brink with this administration. It is the end of dreams. How can we hope?
I wish I could get my head around this for a pretty picture or some tidbit to brighten my soul—but I am not in the least bit humored or lyrical. We will talk tomorrow.
