Let's just say I have been winded by the recent events starting from the death of my father-in- law in February 2014, my ankle break/surgery November 2014, Rob's opening of the new Museum addition (March 2015) the second surgery May, 2015, the death of a cat, my dear Shady Grove and then another cat in the fall and winter 2015. My mother died in mid January 2016 and its been pretty full tilt with 4 trips to Pittsburgh since then along with funeral planning, supporting my brother as the Estate Trustee, and a few trips to NYC to support our burgeoning photographer, Alex. My friend Carol Tinkelman died during the same time as my mother and her dear husband, my mentor, Murray Tinkelman died two weeks later (they shared the same birthday etc...its all too much).
I continued to work--with some very "groundhog day" types of projects where everyday it was the same, just more changes and corrections and changes and corrections to the work done the previous day. The grey weather, combined with loss and a cyclical work experience (while trying to keep up) had me zoned. It was a continuum of wakeup, work, eat, go to bed, wakeup. Many late nights and weekends to stay current. I turned away a lot of extras--and have been clearly thinking about my illustration and design gifting...and feel that a change is in the air there. If its a gift, it should be given and not asked for. If its a gift, we both need to be getting something beyond the normal give and take of a client relationship. If its a gift, it needs to be appreciated. New guideposts and measures. No is easier to say than I think it is.
I had been falling into a depression the likes I have yet to experience--but with a boost of Prozac, and a more active attempt to get out and see some people I am beginning to feel a bit more like I can talk to you all...and try to join the land of the living. I am so so done with all of this death, loss and sadness and the thinking of mortality that is ever-present for me these days. I need to get on living, trying, doing, laughing, and being amused with these precious hours we are granted for our lives. And now to move forward today.
I hope we can chat tomorrow.
